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  • Writer's pictureKristine Bendul

Tears for "fears..."

Traveling to LA is always so enjoyable because of our friends, the palm trees, sunshine and laid back-ness. Abdiel and I were fortunate to be able to go support the inaugural LA Hustle Congress by our talented friend and inspiration Shay Dixon. This was such a highlight for us! Then it was time to get back to business and resume our ballroom training again.

It was over a week since Abdiel and I touched our ballroom dancing since he flew out earlier than me and our schedule did not allow us time until this past Monday. I thought I could just pick up where we left off. Boy was I wrong.

This particular language of dance has not even sunk in enough that I could recall it for our first session which we did at the Hollywood Academy of Dance. My technique (or should I say lack of it?) was on vacation or still in NYC. I could not remember our choreography and my lack of coordination led me to a break down.

I am not a crier but I before I knew it, became one. I was utterly devastated. I felt like such a disappointment. The gravity of the difficulty of what I embarked upon came flooding back and the tears streamed down my face. This is SO hard!

All of my fears and doubt came to surface and I felt completely overwhelmed. I did not care if the other people on the floor saw me, everything went away except and I suddenly felt like I was a young child version of myself that had fallen and was more afraid and shocked by the fall than physically hurt. We have all been there. As children, we fall or even cut ourselves. When we see blood, it is the fear more than the pain that frightens us.

My fears: This is too hard. It's too late, I am too old. I will make a fool of myself. I can't do it. I am not good enough. ..

My clarity after the fact: Nothing in my life has ever been easy. It's never too late to try. I am willing to be a student of the new and make mistakes. I have never quit before and I am not going to now. I am Kristine Bendul and I have so much more to offer still!

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